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How to deal with a child who doesn't listen to you. Part 1

2020-05-24

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How to deal with a child who doesn't listen to you. Part 1

2020-05-24

The wall that a father faces at the very first stage of child-raising.

A child does not listen to you at all.

"Clean your room," "Clear your toys," "Organize your comic books," "Organize your desk," "Help washing dishes," and blah blah blah.

If a child does not listen to what you say, I am pretty sure that you'll be overwhelmed with stress.

Then what you are going to tell a child will be like "If you do not organize your comic books, I will not give you any money for you to spend this month" or "If you do not help washing dishes, I will prohibit playing the game." 

But you will probably see no effect on a child and only hearing  

"Why!? I don't understand what you mean! "

In the end, it seems it will be out of your hand.

For a while, I seriously thought, "How can I make him listen to what I say?" but I could not find any answer.

One day, a miracle happened.

When I was playing sumo wrestling with a 5th-grade boy living with me, his nails got caught in my skin.

I found his nails had grown considerably.

I told him, "You have long nails. You need to clip it."

He said, "Why do I have to do it now?"

So I explained why with calm voices.

If you have long nails, you can injure someone even if you don't mean to, like you just did now. Also, long nails tend to break easily. When you fall and put your hand on the ground trying to protect your body, you're more likely to crack your nails if you have long nails. You would be fortunate if it only cracked a little, but you would be more likely to break your nails seriously, and if that happens, I think it will hurt a lot.

When I was in elementary school, I was playing baseball with friends. When my friends slid, he suddenly cried and screamed very loud. I saw his shoes dyed in red. When he took off his shoe, his nails on thumb were peeled off.

While I was telling a child this story, he's been biting.

Then he asked me

"So what happened to that kid? 

What grade was the kid in? 

Did the teacher get angry at him?

How long did it take to heal?"

and so on.

I answered these questions politely, and when he calmed down, I told him to clip his nails.

He started clipping his nails.

Children seem to have their theories.

If they cannot fit "the order" into their logic, they just rebel.

If I told him like "if you don't clip your nails, I won't give you a dinner tonight" or "I wouldn't give you your monthly allowance," he would feel that  "What does the nail get to do with dinner or monthly allowance?" 

If your statement is irrelevant to a child, he will think that "this is obviously a punishment" and then rebel against you. 

If you are late for your work and your boss says "OK. You are late. I will cut your salary," then I am pretty sure that you are going to say "wait. I have a reason." And if your boss does not listen to you, then you will rebel or hate him.

But if you arrived late to your work and your boss said "although you are late today, Mr. M and Ms. S did extra work to cover your absence. You got to thank them and maybe buy them some drinks,” then you would feel sorry for your colleagues and understand why you cannot be late.

The children are the same.

If you can explain logically "why you want it to be done" and "why a child shouldn't do a certain thing," they will listen to you.

The children usually have a different logic from adults, so it is necessary to look at their daily lives and behaviors looking for their logic.

Sometimes the explanation fails.

But relax and think this way.

"Oh, this logic did not work. I will try different logic next time."

-Parenting Diary
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